Being Non-Photogenic In a Photo-centric World

In a world of selfies and status updates, everyone wants to take a picture to commemorate a moment, no matter how meaningful or trivial. I'm one of those people, but unfortunately I have a MAJOR disadvantage: I'm not photogenic. At all.

At least in my very humble (and right) opinion. Despite my non-photogenic ways, I still take selfies. How else am I supposed to prove I exist in a world that revolves around social media? (I'm being sarcastic here) That's really the only mode of picture taking of myself that I approve of, since I usually take about 20+ pics before I finally find one that makes me look decent and somewhat human (seriously, most of the time I take a selfie I either look like I'm possessed by a demon named Pazuzu or else one of my selfies would be perfect as a mugshot if I ever become a drug addict/criminal).

But when it comes to group shots with other people....*shudders* That's where I get scared because that's where I usually look the worst and I feel like I need to prepare before they happen. You can't insist on your friends to take too many pictures just because you keep blurring in the shots like you're some sort of ghostly presence caught on camera (yes, that has happened to me. Everything has happened to me in pictures) And don't get me started on candid shots aka pictures at parties or weddings where I always seem to have a "resting murderer face" (yes, it's a thing BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I LOOK IN ALL CANDID SHOTS).

This post is for anyone who's not photogenic and it explains what I through whenever someone decides to whip out their phone or camera for a "fun" photo (fun = HELL, for us non-photogenic folks). If you are photogenic, well, lucky you, but for the rest of us it's not so easy. Read on to find out why!

Knowing That Photos Will Be Taken is a Nightmare
Girls night out? Pictures will be taken. A wedding/bridal shower/bachelorette party? Pictures. Birthdays/family reunions/vacations? Pictures, pictures, everywhere! No event or moment is safe from memorializing that exact time in your life. So you steel yourself and prepare. Friends and relatives with smartphones and cameras are coming.

You Practice Posing in the Mirror Before a Night Out
Of course, there's the hand on the arm and the slightly bent knee thing that every single girl in a group shot goes with but when you're caught off guard (or very awkward, like myself) you usually end up just standing like a deer caught in the headlights ready to leap out of the road once your brain kicks back in. So you practice in the mirror and pray that despite all of this practicing that when it comes to group shots you can hide behind your friends and just poke your head out. I've had many group pictures where I'm just a floating head behind people and honestly, in those pictures I've never looked better. No worrying about arms or what your angle your body should be in based on where the camera is, it's AMAZING. Be a floating head, it's great!

When Your Friends Want to Take a Group Photo You Scream Internally

It will be fun, they said. We'll all look so cute, they said. Why do you look like you just saw the Ring, they ask. Seven days, you answer back and the phone rings.

You Usually Try to Make a Silly Face Instead of Smiling Because When You End Up Smiling You Look Like the Joker Or Possibly Like You Just Committed the Perfect Murder and Are Pleased With the Place You Hid the Body and Are Sure You'll Never Be Caught*
Duck faces and sticking out your tongue Miley Cyrus-esque are annoying in all pictures and selfies, but they can save your life if you can't figure out how to smile naturally for photos. But dammit, even when you have to take a smiling picture, you try, even if it turns out terrible! "I was having a great time at the wedding, I swear!"

*Or is that just me when I smile? I feel like I give off a very creepy vibe in photos. I need to work on that. Back to practicing posing my face in the mirror!

You Always Blink in Photos
I can't count how many times I've had to have my school pictures retaken because I always ended up blinking or half blinking in the pictures, like I was the elementary school class drunk. It came to be such a problem that whenever I knew a picture would be taken I would just open my eyes really wide and try not to blink even after the flash went off. Which made me looks like a raccoon caught digging through the trash by a person with a flashlight, by hey, my eyes were open! (If not bright red like that aforementioned demon was trying to show itself)

You Take Approximately 100+ Pictures Before Finding the Perfect Selfie
And then you've used up all the space on your phone and then it feels like it's judging you, as if none of the selfies you've taken are good enough to be on your phone so you better delete every picture you've ever taken and start again. Siri demands it. Not to mention once you pick an acceptable selfie, you filter the sh*t out of it. "There! I'm a passable human being!"

Seeing All of Those Said Photos On Social Media is Cringe-worthy
Me flipping through tagged photos: "I don't look like that in real life...at all!" To my friends: "You delete those pictures or we are never speaking again!!!" (I'm a great friend)

But When You Finally See That One Decent Shot of Yourself....
You relish in the glory of that one perfect picture where you look like you, but happy and natural. (Unlike the other photos where you look like you've been kidnapped and forced to take a picture by your captor to send to your family to prove that everything is okay and also that the captors need your family to send them $100,000 and you're actually cringing because you know your family will scoff and say "she's not worth that much! We love the cat more than her!") You save that sh*t and make it your profile picture for the next year and a half. Because that's how long it's going to take for you to get another perfect photo that for once didn't come for a selfie. But it'll happen again. Someday. And you look forward to it wistfully, but until then, you have to come to terms with being non-photogenic. *sigh*

Candid Shots
Let's not even go there.

So my fellow non-photogenic people, do you relate to any of this? I would much rather take the picture than be in pictures, but I'm trying to be more brave and less critical of my appearance. Bad pictures happen, more often to me than anyone else, but still! I hope you liked the article I had a blast writing it! ♥

Stay Weird,
Emily
(aka that non-photogenic girl that ruins group photos 7 out of 10 times. That's me!)