Learning to Embrace My Dark Under Eye Circles

Dark circles. Bags. Under eye circles. Whatever you call ‘em, I got ‘em. I’ve had them ever since I was a baby, and they’ve been here to stay ever since (I was a very tired looking baby). And they aren’t just dark. They are actual deep crevices under my eyes as well. My glasses usually hide them, but I know they’re there. Oh, I know they’re there.

Now, under eye circles in and of themselves aren’t bad. Some people have dark under eye circles due to illness, lack of sleep, or just genetics (so dark circles on someone may be a sign that something is off, so if you don’t normally have them, please get yourself checked out, just in case!). I myself fall under that “genetics” category (thanks, mom and dad!). But the worst thing about having under eye circles is that they are so noticeable and everyone always points them out to you (in a concerned way, of course):

“Are you feeling okay?”

“You look really tired!”

“You need to get more sleep!”

“Concealer would really help with those!”

All super helpful, except I’m a) feeling just fine, b) am sleeping 8+ hours a night and, c) concealer is not strong enough to cover these babies.

But the worst actually is:

Person: “Wow, you look really nice! You looked really tired yesterday.”

Me: “That’s because I’m wearing makeup today…”

My under eye circles never really started bothering me until I became depressed when I was around twelve. Before that, I barely noticed them. I was healthy, sleeping well, and mentally stable. But once I turned twelve, I stopped sleeping, ate less, and was just generally not in a good way. The lack of sleep and nutrients caused my eye circles to turn even darker and that’s when people started commenting. I got more and more self-conscious until the day I finally realized how bad they were.

I was around thirteen at the orthodontist getting my braces tightened (ah, the joys of being a young teen) and my orthodontist had my file with him. I had forgotten that when you first get braces, they take some pictures of your face, from the front and both sides, just for a frame of reference for your face and jaw line. My doctor jokingly showed me mine, and said he could sell these to a tabloid magazine one day when I became rich and famous (hardy har har). But I didn’t find it funny because I saw my photos. I remembered the medical assistant who took the photos said I didn’t have to smile in the pictures, so I didn’t. But what I saw when I looked at the photos was an unsmiling twelve year old, with under eye circles so dark, it looked like I had been punched in both eyes. In fact, the first thing that crossed my mind was that it looked like a mug shot of a drug addict who hadn’t slept in a week.

I was so shocked and embarrassed. That was me? That was what I looked like? I’ve been walking around this world, walking past people, looking like this? It was then that I became obsessed with trying to get rid of my dark circles.

I somehow convinced my mother to let me start wearing makeup, or at least start using some sort of concealer or foundation. She let me buy this weird foundation stick that you were supposed to put under your eyes to try to reflect some light under your eyes and lessen your dark circles. Didn’t help, but I tried the best that I could.

Later, when I was older and feeling less depressed, my eye circles grew less dark, but were still prominent. I was so embarrassed by them. The thought of my pictures from the orthodontist haunted me. I wanted to look bright and happy, not depressed and sad. I started wearing foundation from a compact as a teen, putting it under my eyes. It didn’t do much, but it was a start. I then graduated to concealer AND foundation, and that’s where I stayed for a long, long time.

I was so embarrassed for anyone to see me without makeup. It started to become part of my identity. I didn’t like the way I looked without it. The concealer helped lighten my dark under eye circles, the foundation smoothed my skin, and the eyeliner and mascara made my eyes look bigger. I wanted to look like the best version of myself, which meant no under eye circles and no imperfections (minus the occasional pimple or two. I’m human, okay?). I even thought that people treated me more nicely when I was wearing makeup. That’s how convinced I was that I needed to wear makeup.

It didn’t help that there’s been such a boom in the beauty industry lately. Full face makeup, caking and baking concealer onto your face, with bronzer, highligher, the whole shebang covering your entire face, made me see my imperfections even more. Though the people who were doing this to their faces were probably covering up their own imperfections (maybe even some dark under eye circles…? Gasp! God forbid!).

But then came the turning point. About a year or two ago, I developed cystic acne. For those who don’t know, adult acne is real and it is awful. You thought you were done with acne during puberty? Uh-uh! It’s back to haunt you in your better and more emotionally stable years! My acne was so bad that every time I put on makeup, it made my cystic acne even worse. And for those who don’t know, the more you touch and bother cystic acne, the worse it gets (and the bigger it gets too!). And cystic acne HURTS. My face was so bad that I did the unthinkable: I stopped wearing makeup entirely.

I know. It went against everything I had done for years. But my acne was so bad that I couldn’t help it. My makeup routine dried up until I was only using acne face wash and an acne safe moisturizer since I was drying out my face so much. I was embarrassed to go out without makeup, but at this point, I was even more embarrassed of the giant cysts that were popping up on my forehead and cheeks. I didn’t want people to even look at me. I was in my late 20’s and I had acne. I felt like such a loser.

As my face slowly started clearing up, thanks to trial and error of face care and finally a trip to the dermatologist (why did it take me so long to go??), I suddenly realized that I hadn’t really been wearing makeup. My daily makeup routine had boiled down to just acne safe moisturizer and a bit of sunscreen. I should have been shocked until I realized that I didn’t care that I was walking around without makeup. My face was clearer now and I was actually proud to show it off. Nothing artificial on my face, not even under my eyes!

I don’t know if it was my adult acne, the fact that I’m older now, or the fact I just don’t care what other people think, but I realized that my under eye circles are NORMAL. I was born with them. I have them. They are a part of face and I can’t change that. So why am I trying to change something I literally can’t?

The beauty world has a product for everything you hate about your face. Cover your imperfections: zits, acne, acne scars, discoloration, wrinkles. I’ve tried and seen so many items, home remedies, and even procedures for getting rid of dark circles and the bags under your eyes. It makes me so aware and insecure of my own under eye circles and makes me wonder, “why is everyone so desperate for me to get rid of them, if I was born with them?” Are they an imperfection or just natural?

I’ve decided to embrace my under eye circles. They’re a part of me, and completely natural. Do I wish I sometimes looked like someone else who doesn’t have those deep, dark crevices circling my under eyes? Of course! But no matter what concealer I use, I can’t hide their darkness and the deepness of them too. It’s my face, and I need to love it, dark eye circles, acne scars (thanks for that, cystic acne!), and all. No amount of makeup can make me forget that I have them, so why even use it?

Thanks to developing acne later in life, I’m now taking even better care of my skin than I ever have. I’m keeping it clean, exfoliated, and moisturized. I’m taking pride in my skin and face, and usually just wear moisturizer and sunscreen in my day to day life. If I want to wear makeup for special occasions, I only wear a light bb cream, mascara, a bit of eyeshadow, and use an eyebrow pencil to fill out my brows. Simple and natural. For me, makeup should be all about enhancing your natural beauty, not about hiding and changing it.

So I’m wearing my bare face and under eye circles proudly. Is my skin perfect? Hell no! Will it ever be? I’m gonna go with another hell no since your skin just basically gets worse the older you get (yay nature and the passage of time!). But am I embracing it and working it? Hell yes! (With not too much filtering of selfies, might I add. Also, smearing Vaseline over your phone’s camera just doesn’t work the same way it did back in Old Hollywood)

So if you see me out and about, I hope you think my dark circles suit me, because they aren’t going anywhere. And frankly, I don’t want them to. If I ever have to cover them up for any reason (weddings, other special events where you are not in charge of your makeup look), you know it won’t be for long. These dark semi-circles are ready to shine and be in the spotlight! And for once, I finally don’t mind.

*NOTE: If you love the way you look and just love wearing makeup, go for it! This isn’t at all to shame anyone who wears makeup because they just love wearing makeup. You do you, but I hope that you can feel confident all dolled up as much as you do when you’re also all dressed down. Face wise, that is.*

Do you have dark circles? Do you cover them up or do you let them see the world? (Haha) Do you have any "imperfections" that you embrace? Also, do you think the beauty world is trying to make us feel bad for having “imperfections?” Let me know in the comments!

Stay Weird!

Pin It!