Why I Don't Dye My Hair (Anymore)

Photo by Tore F on Unsplash

Disclaimer: I'm not looking down at anyone who dyes their hair (to each their own!). This post is just about my personal journey to realizing what dyeing my hair really told me about myself and learning to accept me as a person. So if you dye your hair and don't really understand what I'm talking about, at least just amuse yourself with some of these awkward pictures of myself back in the day with some awful dye jobs! It's hilarious. trust me. Well, hilarious to you but mortifying to me. Enjoy! 

It has just crossed my mind that it's been about two whole years since I've last dyed my hair (the color, you may wonder? Mahogany red-brown. More red than brown and not the exact color I was going for, but oh well). I always thought I knew why I decided not to dye my hair again: to save money and because I'm lazy and find the upkeep annoying (obviously). But after some careful reflection, I think I may have discovered another reason why I've chosen not to dye my hair anymore.

But let's start at the beginning and take a trip down memory lane...

I became obsessed with dyeing my hair back when I was an emo teen (yes, I was an emo girl. My Myspace profile name for the longest time was Emo-lee. I thought that was so clever. *cringes*). And of course the color I wanted to dye my hair was BLACK. I've always had brown hair. Not dark brown, not light brown: just BROWN. I absolutely hated it and thought it was the most boring color in the world. I decided it made me look dull and faded and since I was so edgy and emo (My Chemical Romance and From First to Last were my go to all time favorite bands forever and ever, that'll never change- well, guess what. IT DID. Sorry, guys) I, of course, needed a hair color to match my dead, broken emo heart that only beats for music that has screaming in it (what were we thinking then??).

But before I wanted to make that big decision and dye my hair for the first time, I picked up some wash out purple hair dye just to try it out. I had my friend dye my hair for me and though you could barely see the purple in my hair (because my hair is brown and remember, this was temporary hair dye), I was hooked. This was the emo girl I was meant to be! Dyed hair, every t-shirt I wore had to be black, and my studded belt from Hot Topic must be worn with every outfit! (And I was determined to master heavy eyeliner despite the fact that I didn't wear makeup before this and having anything like a finger or a eyeliner pencil near my eye seriously grossed me out. And still does). It was destiny! And so my hair journey began!

The next color I dyed my hair was black. For my birthday I was given a gift certificate for a haircut and color at a salon. And you bet I used that up ASAP! Sadly I don't have any pictures from that day, but you better believe that I had a full on photo-shoot afterwards and posted those pictures on Myspace! (Thank god I can't remember the e-mail I used for Myspace or my account number. Going back on to my old Myspace account would be a journey I would NOT want to take!)

From then on, my hair was black. And I either had my mom, sister, or a friend dye it for me because I could not be trusted with dyeing my own hair (read about that at the end of the post! There's photographic proof of why I'm not allowed to dye my own hair!).

Sadly, my emo phase came to an end and out went the black hair dye. For a short while, I decided red was my color. Bright red. As you can see, though I was no longer emo, I still preferred black and grey clothing. And dark, dark eyeliner and eye makeup. (Does it make me look dead inside and out? Then I guess I was making my face look like that!) But after that red hair faded (let's be honest. I literally wash my hair everyday so my hair color never lasts), my hair returned to its boring brown color. And there it stayed. For a time.

Then I was dating a guy and we broke up (story of my life). I was devastated but didn't want to admit it. So instead I decided I needed a change. How about a new hair color??? Yes! That'll show him I'm doing fine without him! How about a nice, natural red color? (You know, unlike the unnaturally colored one I had previously dyed my poor hair) And guess what: that guy I dated loved redheads! That'll show him what he's missing! (Yeah, great idea, Emily. If only I had a time machine to warn you...)

And then, I got back together with that same guy (I'm such a fool!). And later on in the relationship (with my hair in its natural brown state again), when I was starting to feel insecure in the relationship and was trying to figure out if being together was right or not, I decided to dye my hair. For me, I thought, not for him. It's not like he's said that he's into redheads (remember from above?) and I wanted to make him- I mean, myself happy (oops. See what I did there? But please note, despite the face that it didn't work out with this guy, he was actually a pretty good boyfriend and he didn't insist on me dyeing my hair. That was all me and my own insecurities. We just weren't right together. Just letting you know!). But did it? Not really.

Why did I keep dyeing my hair? And what finally convinced me to stop and just accept my own naturally brown hair?

I came to realize that I saw dyeing my hair (or even getting a new haircut) was a way to symbolize a a big change in my life. That when something happened (sometimes good, usually bad), I either wanted to change myself to fit this idea I had of me (or someone else's idea of me), or I wanted to change myself to make a fresh start, or try out a new and improved me.

Basically, I wasn't happy with myself. My boring brown hair represented the real me, the someone I can't change but so desperately wanted to. I had to learn the hard way (as in, dyeing my hair so much that I'm sure once I stopped my hair was finally able to breathe and say "thank you for not torturing us anymore! We're freee!" And then about a dozen of my hairs fell out. I shed a LOT) that I needed to accept my own natural hair, meaning my own self, just the way I was. I was dyeing my hair and trying to change who I was, or convince myself that I was a newer, better version of myself. But you can't change your appearance and think that will solve all your problems. You have to do those things yourself, by working on you, from the inside, not the outside.

And when I had that epiphany, that's when I knew that I needed to learn to accept myself, and come to terms with being me. I'm not going to lie, it's been tough. What with all the new hair trends, like pastel, rainbow, unicorn, and mermaid hair, it's hard not to have hair envy. But I know I can't hide behind a new hair color or cut anymore. I need to be okay with me and who I am.

It's weird to think that a revelation about not dyeing my hair anymore would put me on a path to self-acceptance. But I'm so glad it did. And I'm actually starting to like my brown hair. It's not so plain, and it even has some red and gold highlights in the sun. And you know what? Brown suits me. It fits my skin tone, my eyes, and my personality. I'm 100% me and working on feeling fine about it!

Dyeing your hair can make you unique, but not dyeing it and just being yourself also makes you just as unique and special. Do whatever makes you feel good and makes you the best and truest you that you can be! Hair dye or no hair dye 💖

Now, I wonder what I'll be saying once my hair starts turning grey...

Do any of you dye your hair? What color is it currently dyed? Or are you au natural like me? What are your thoughts on dyeing vs. keeping your natural color? Let me know in the comments below!

Stay Weird!