Why A Cynical Person Like Me Loves Valentine's Day!

Photo by Laura Ockel on Unspash

Hello, cynics! As a fellow cynical person, you may be surprised to know that I love Valentine’s Day. And no, it’s not because my birthday is on February 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day (but that certainly helps). Valentine’s Day has always been one of my favorite holidays, despite the fact that I have rarely had a significant other to celebrate it on the actual holiday. And I’m here to tell you why this cynical ass person (aka me!) loves it so much. And the reason why I love it may actually change the way you feel about it too.

A Day for Love- But Only for Couples. No Singles Allowed!

We all know that Valentine’s Day is a holiday all about love. Romantic love. We see commercials for it on TV all the time. For the guy: buy her jewelry. For the girl: buy lingerie to wear for him for your special night (and he doesn’t have to dress up?? Sexist!). Hearts and pastels are everywhere, and so are chocolate, flowers, and so many corny, punny, and “sexy” gifts to give to your significant other (or your significant “otter.” It has to due with romance, but I still love me a good pun!). I know why you find this holiday horrifying and trust me, I understand when I see the commercialism and all of the nauseating happy couples (though I’m happy for you. I know it sounds like I’m not, but I am. Seriously. Just no PDA directly in my field of vision, please). I’m with you, friend. (Plus, no one likes those conversation hearts. They taste like flavored chalk!)

Valentine’s Day has always been marketed towards couples. Celebrate your love, show them you care on this special day. So many couples get engaged or married on Valentine’s Day, almost like it’s an even more romantic gesture to prove their love (but it’s probably just an easy way to remember an anniversary, am I right?). Some other fellow cynics will argue that it’s just a holiday made up by corporations to make money, like Hallmark. While Valentine’s Day lovers (sorry, had to) will counter that by saying that, actually, St. Valentine was a real person, and married people in secret while Christians were being jailed for their new religion by the Romans. Tre romantic, no? (And of course I know this story because I grew up Catholic. Also, St. Patrick apparently explained the three leaf clover to non-Christians as a way to explain the Holy Trinity so that’s we associate shamrocks with St. Patty’s Day. Why did I retain all of this knowledge???)

The focus that everyone puts on Valentine's day is romance. Ooh la la! Pretty much nothing else (well, that and candy). Sure, card companies (hi there again, Hallmark!) will have cards for grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, etc. so you can send them a card for Valentine’s day to show them you love them (platonically, of course. The racy stuff is only for your significant otter- er, I mean other!), but other than that, it’s all couples nights out or nights in with wine, chocolate syrup, and sexy dice. (I want to gag just after writing that sentence!)

Single people, understandably, feel (or have felt) left out (me included!), end up boycotting the holiday entirely, and celebrate being single (which is totally amazing and valid. Happily single girl here! *waves*) on Galentine’s Day on February 13th, the day before Valentine’s day. Which is actually my birthday, so really everyone is unknowingly celebrating my birthday as well as female friendships, which is such a beautiful feminist move and a lovely universal present for me on my birthday. (Thanks, everyone!)

For a fellow cynic like me, I completely get where people who hate Valentine’s Day come from. You feel like you’re being excluded from this very exclusive thing that most of the world gets to celebrate, just because they’re coupled up and you’re...well, not (Again, I'm currently single at the moment, so I feel you!). But I’m here to tell you that Valentine’s Day isn’t just about finally getting frisky with your hunny-bun without the kids interrupting. It is so, so much more than that. (Thank, god!)

Valentine’s Day Isn’t Just for Romantic Love (And I’ll Prove It To You!)

Guess what! Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about romantic love. There are all different types of love. The love you have for your family. The love you have for your friends. The love you have for your pet, even. Just like Thanksgiving seems to be a day to remind us to be thankful (even though we should be thankful all year round, not have a holiday once a year to remind us), I feel like Valentine’s day is a day to remind us of the love we have for others. And not just the romantic boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife love. Love that is so much more than “I’d rather die than live without you” kind; it's the love that is there everyday for the people who have always been there for you. Like your mom, dad, sibling, friend, or mailman (listen, I don’t judge). That kind of love.

To me, Valentine’s Day has always been that kind of day for me. Like I said before, I’ve only been with a few boyfriends for Valentine’s Day (and mainly it was a lot of excitement before you realize it’s just another date, but with presents that you have no use for, like flowers, teddy bears, or really ugly pieces of jewelry that you would never wear except that one time to show your boyfriend that you really did loooove it: “see! I love it! I’m wearing it right now!”). But before that, it was just me and my family and friends. And I loved celebrating that way! I loved that I could show them that I love them, to remind them of that, by giving them little gifts or a card that said so. In my opinion, like with Thanksgiving, we don’t say how much we love one another enough. Why not take the opportunity of a supposed “romantic” holiday to express other types of love to those we truly care about?

I personally love to make or buy (nothing fancy or expensive, don’t worry!) little presents or bake cookies or treats (let’s be honest, it’s usually sugary treats that I give to people), to show my family and friends that I love them. No, I don’t have to buy them a fancy piece of jewelry or fancy dinners, his and hers gross bedroom product, or hotel rooms with a hot tub on the balcony, like couples are forced to think they have to because of the holiday. My presents are just gestures to remind my loved ones that I do in fact love and care for them. Whether it’s a simple text saying “I love and appreciate you” with lots of heart emojis to my aunt (who loves emojis), a cute cartoonishly bright Valentine’s card sent in the mail to my four year old niece, or just a plate of cookies that I frosted and tried to make pretty to the best of my ability, but it's a gesture of love and that's what matters.

It may not be much, but it’s honestly and truly the thought that counts. It’s the fact that we take the time to sit down, write a card or make or bake a little something, and tell our loved ones we care. Not because we have to, but because we want to. Love is more than romantic. Love is thanking our family for raising and loving us, for being there when we were sick or supporting us when we were down on our luck. Love is reminding our friends that we remember when they dried our tears after that guy dumped us on our birthday- and then made us laugh and forget about him (this is possibly a true story). Love is even giving your neighbor a plate of cookies, just because. (And because they watched your cats for you while you were on vacation.)

Let Valentine’s Day be a day not consumed with who had the best, most romantic date night with their partner (I mean, good for them, we’re happy for you, blah blah blah), but one about reminding us of the love that has constantly surrounded us for years, and the fact that we should recognize and give it back, not just once a year, but all year round.

Have I Convinced You Yet? (If Not That’s Okay. You Do You, Boo!)

So this Valentine’s day, I invite you to be as cynical as you want to be. That’s your right. But if you want to think about the holiday in a different way with a different meaning, then I suggest you start think about the different types of love you have for the people in your life. Maybe you want to show your parents how much you love them by popping by with some dinner you made, to show them how much you care. (I mean, they did make you dinner for most of your young life, so you might as well give back with the ultimate sign of love aka food) Or bake some cookies for friends and write them a note, just reminding them how much you appreciate having them in your life (especially if they’re a “help you hide the body” kind of friend. They’re the real OGs). Or for your pharmacist, to thank them for always having your prescription ready, so you never run out of your anti-depressants (haha, oops, that’s me! But if it applies to you, go for it!)

Remember in school where you got to decorate a tissue box as your mailbox and every other kid in class had to give you a Valentine? (the rich kids always gave you the ones with candy in them, which were the best. Thank you, rich kids!) As a kid, that was not about romantic love. It was more about forced participation and including everyone in class, but it was the thought that counted. Valentine’s Day should be more like that, where we would show that we cared with cheap little cards with our favorite characters on them (not fancy gifts), and squealed when our friends gave us the best cards that they knew we loved (and the good kind of candy, too!) Love is simple and for everyone, not just the happy couples that bore us and bog down our social media with their kissing selfies.

Love and appreciation is a forgotten language between family and friend sometimes, so let’s remind ourselves of the people we hold most dear in our lives, and remind them that we love them. That’s how I think we should truly spend this otherwise wrongly marketed Valentine’s Day.

(But, if you are with a romantic partner and want to celebrate the day, please don’t think that I’m trampling on your joy! Just remember the other wonderful people you love and have in your life that day too, so please show them you appreciate them and then go and get busy with your boo. And try not to rub it in any singleton’s face. That’s all!).

Happy Valentine’s, everyone!

And that was my unique and not-actually-so-cynical take on Valentine’s Day! What did you guys think? Do you like the holiday or are you anti-Valentine’s Day? Let me know what you think in the comments and if you celebrate it, alone, with friends or family, or with a partner!

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