I usually don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. Whenever I try to keep them throughout the year, I feel like I'm just setting myself up for disaster. What with thinking up a truly idealistic goal ("I'm going to be fluent in Italian by the end of the year!") and then telling people all about it (next year in December- Them: so how is your Italian going? Me: Er… spaghetti? Linguine? Minestrone…? Mozzareeeeellaaaa…sticks? Uh, ciao, gotta run!), it just never seems to work out for me. I either give up or just lose interest. Maybe I don’t pick the right goal for me or maybe I just can’t get motivated enough to go through with it. But this year, I have an actual goal in mind that could really change my life for the better. Because even though I titled this my New Year’s resolution, this is goal I actually thought up a few months ago and have decided to not only make it my new goal for 2020, but my new mantra for life.
But let me rewind and go back to when this whole journey started.
I’ve been pretty meek and shy all my life. A natural introvert. Believe it or not, I was more outspoken and angry back when I was younger, but as my self-esteem got worse, I become more quiet and docile. I let people control me and make decisions for me. From friends to boyfriends to doctors, it was just easier that way and I felt like people liked me more because I was so agreeable. Did it make me a doormat? Heck yes. Have people ever taken advantage of that? Oh yes. Oh yes yes yes. (Boy, do I have some stories!)
I’ve also always been the natural go between for people. For my family and friends in fights, I’d be the one they’d tell their side of the story to me, complain about the other person, when the whole time I’d just be screaming in my head, “just go tell them and work it out yourselves and leave me out of it!!” But instead I’d just smile and nod and tell them I understood. I didn’t want to be that person that they were complaining about to someone else. Like I said, it was just easier this way instead of saying what I really felt.
I’ve even let myself be walked over. I always try my best to be kind and polite, but as lovely as that is, I never get to say what I feel or sometimes I’m too afraid to be confrontational. From people like family and friends to authority figures like doctors, I never really questioned what they told me, how they told me things, what treatments/medications to do/take. And if I tried to speak up to a doctor (which was rare!), they’d (usually) listen, but then dismiss my suggestions because they were the doctors and knew best. (I’m not saying all doctors and medical professionals are like this, but I’ve run into a lot of them over the years!)
Well, something put me over the edge this year- 2019. (This is where the story truly begins!) It started last year (2018) at a trip to a new dentist (my old dentist was good, and while usually nice, made me feel bad about my teeth. Let me preface this by saying I have bad teeth, from genetics and medications, so I do take care of my teeth, but unfortunately due to the things mentioned, they aren’t in the best shape. So I feel like I shouldn’t be shamed for the hand that was dealt to me, but this dentist and his associates made me feel like it was my fault). I decided to leave my old dentist and try a new one that was less expensive and was leased in a super store that I shall not name, but the brand is huge and all over the world and starts with a “W” and ends in “mart.” (That’s all the hints I’m giving you. I’m sorry for making it such a puzzler for you!)
I looked up the dental office and they had pretty good reviews online, so I set up an appointment, had my appointment where they were super nice and even understood why I was so anxious. Plus, they didn’t shame me for having bad teeth! (This was a revelation to me!) Afterwards, they said they had a plan where I could pay for two cleanings plus x-rays for a flat fee. Altogether it was $40 less than one visit and x-ray at my old dental office so I was pretty excited. Basically I had already paid for both cleanings, had one done, and now just had to wait six months for my next. (Plus, I didn’t have any cavities!)
My next appointment was supposed to be in February of this year, 2019, and I’ll be honest, I lost my reminder card (ironic) and forgot about it. (Strangely, they didn’t call me to remind me of my appointment or call when I missed my appointment. Warning sign!) When I did remember (a month or two later), I called and apologized and asked if I could get a new appointment. The lady said they were under construction, but she would add my name to the list to call when they were done renovating. I thanked her and hoped they’d call soon since I was overdue for my cleaning. (See, I take care of my teeth, dentists reading this!)
Guess what? I didn’t hear back from them! I called again, a month or so later, and asked, “Hi! I still need to get my teeth cleaned! Are you guys still under construction?” The answer was a yes and they’d again add me to the list to call when they were done with construction. Okay. Fine. I can wait. And I did.
Finally, I was sick of the back and forth of phone calls and waiting. I went down to my local super store that shall not be named (should we just call it Voldemort at this point?) and went to the dental office to actually talk to someone in person (how assertive of me! Who is she??). I talked to a nice woman at the desk, who said that they were still under construction and it was taking a while because after each change, since they were renting from, er, Voldemort, they had to get Voldemort’s approval (which I can imagine is very hard to do). I said I understood and again, was put on a list of people to call so I could get an appointment.
As I patiently waited (because I trusted them and thought that’s what I was supposed to do and always did), I got more and more frustrated. Getting my teeth cleaned fills me with anxiety and I just wanted to get this over with! I tried calling again, but just got a voicemail message. I left several messages of my own, but no one ever called me back. Then one day I checked their website and it was gone. Vanished. Poof. (Black magic from Voldemort?) My normally nice and understanding self was suddenly very worried and upset that I had been duped and cheated (which I had been!).
I went down to Voldemort and checked in at the dental office. Lo and behold, it, much like its website, was gone! I asked a Voldemort employee, a very helpful person (or a Death Eater?) what happened, and they said that the dental office just disappeared one night. I was brave and asked to speak to a manager to get more information, and all they said was to either contact Voldemort corporate (haha, Voldemort’s gone corporate!) or contact the Better Business Bureau. That was it.
This pushed me over the edge. I know a few hundred dollars may not seem like a lot to many people, but to me, it’s a lot, and guess what? I want my money back! Now the old Emily would have just given up and thought, “well, that’s just my life, I guess.” But no. Not this time.
I’ve been pretty meek and shy all my life. A natural introvert. Believe it or not, I was more outspoken and angry back when I was younger, but as my self-esteem got worse, I become more quiet and docile. I let people control me and make decisions for me. From friends to boyfriends to doctors, it was just easier that way and I felt like people liked me more because I was so agreeable. Did it make me a doormat? Heck yes. Have people ever taken advantage of that? Oh yes. Oh yes yes yes. (Boy, do I have some stories!)
I’ve also always been the natural go between for people. For my family and friends in fights, I’d be the one they’d tell their side of the story to me, complain about the other person, when the whole time I’d just be screaming in my head, “just go tell them and work it out yourselves and leave me out of it!!” But instead I’d just smile and nod and tell them I understood. I didn’t want to be that person that they were complaining about to someone else. Like I said, it was just easier this way instead of saying what I really felt.
I’ve even let myself be walked over. I always try my best to be kind and polite, but as lovely as that is, I never get to say what I feel or sometimes I’m too afraid to be confrontational. From people like family and friends to authority figures like doctors, I never really questioned what they told me, how they told me things, what treatments/medications to do/take. And if I tried to speak up to a doctor (which was rare!), they’d (usually) listen, but then dismiss my suggestions because they were the doctors and knew best. (I’m not saying all doctors and medical professionals are like this, but I’ve run into a lot of them over the years!)
Well, something put me over the edge this year- 2019. (This is where the story truly begins!) It started last year (2018) at a trip to a new dentist (my old dentist was good, and while usually nice, made me feel bad about my teeth. Let me preface this by saying I have bad teeth, from genetics and medications, so I do take care of my teeth, but unfortunately due to the things mentioned, they aren’t in the best shape. So I feel like I shouldn’t be shamed for the hand that was dealt to me, but this dentist and his associates made me feel like it was my fault). I decided to leave my old dentist and try a new one that was less expensive and was leased in a super store that I shall not name, but the brand is huge and all over the world and starts with a “W” and ends in “mart.” (That’s all the hints I’m giving you. I’m sorry for making it such a puzzler for you!)
I looked up the dental office and they had pretty good reviews online, so I set up an appointment, had my appointment where they were super nice and even understood why I was so anxious. Plus, they didn’t shame me for having bad teeth! (This was a revelation to me!) Afterwards, they said they had a plan where I could pay for two cleanings plus x-rays for a flat fee. Altogether it was $40 less than one visit and x-ray at my old dental office so I was pretty excited. Basically I had already paid for both cleanings, had one done, and now just had to wait six months for my next. (Plus, I didn’t have any cavities!)
My next appointment was supposed to be in February of this year, 2019, and I’ll be honest, I lost my reminder card (ironic) and forgot about it. (Strangely, they didn’t call me to remind me of my appointment or call when I missed my appointment. Warning sign!) When I did remember (a month or two later), I called and apologized and asked if I could get a new appointment. The lady said they were under construction, but she would add my name to the list to call when they were done renovating. I thanked her and hoped they’d call soon since I was overdue for my cleaning. (See, I take care of my teeth, dentists reading this!)
Guess what? I didn’t hear back from them! I called again, a month or so later, and asked, “Hi! I still need to get my teeth cleaned! Are you guys still under construction?” The answer was a yes and they’d again add me to the list to call when they were done with construction. Okay. Fine. I can wait. And I did.
Finally, I was sick of the back and forth of phone calls and waiting. I went down to my local super store that shall not be named (should we just call it Voldemort at this point?) and went to the dental office to actually talk to someone in person (how assertive of me! Who is she??). I talked to a nice woman at the desk, who said that they were still under construction and it was taking a while because after each change, since they were renting from, er, Voldemort, they had to get Voldemort’s approval (which I can imagine is very hard to do). I said I understood and again, was put on a list of people to call so I could get an appointment.
As I patiently waited (because I trusted them and thought that’s what I was supposed to do and always did), I got more and more frustrated. Getting my teeth cleaned fills me with anxiety and I just wanted to get this over with! I tried calling again, but just got a voicemail message. I left several messages of my own, but no one ever called me back. Then one day I checked their website and it was gone. Vanished. Poof. (Black magic from Voldemort?) My normally nice and understanding self was suddenly very worried and upset that I had been duped and cheated (which I had been!).
I went down to Voldemort and checked in at the dental office. Lo and behold, it, much like its website, was gone! I asked a Voldemort employee, a very helpful person (or a Death Eater?) what happened, and they said that the dental office just disappeared one night. I was brave and asked to speak to a manager to get more information, and all they said was to either contact Voldemort corporate (haha, Voldemort’s gone corporate!) or contact the Better Business Bureau. That was it.
This pushed me over the edge. I know a few hundred dollars may not seem like a lot to many people, but to me, it’s a lot, and guess what? I want my money back! Now the old Emily would have just given up and thought, “well, that’s just my life, I guess.” But no. Not this time.
Which brings me to my new year’s resolution aka my new life mantra: no more bulls*t or take no sh*t. Take your pick. I like them both.
With this new mantra and way of life, no longer am I going to be meek and compliant. I am going to speak up if I have a problem, and continue to speak up until my problem is resolved. I am going to stand up for myself. I need to be an advocate for myself and protect myself. You know, in the nicest possible way that I can while also being productive and moving things along. That goes without saying.
I’m not saying that I’m going to be mean and to be the “let me talk to the manager” mom meme. (You know that one I’m talking about!) While I was also taught to be polite, I was also taught to be nice. I think kindness is so important in this world where everyone is busy and everyone forgets how much a nice interaction can just make a person’s day. So I always try to be nice no matter what. Just because I’m in an argument or in a misunderstanding, doesn’t mean I have to treat the other person badly or viciously, even if the other person is being rude. (I don’t know their life or what they’re going through) Kill them with kindness, but take no sh*t. (Is that my new mantra??)
I did end up talking to Voldemort corporate (I still can’t believe He Who Must Not Be Named went corporate. So disappointing!) and I did exactly what my new mantra entailed: I was polite, but I was assertive. I gave the lady my information and the story of what happened. She wasn’t too much help and couldn’t give me an answer or a solution, so I said, “You’ve been super nice and patient with me and I just want to thank you, but is there anyone else in your department or at Voldemort corporate who can help me?” She said that I had probably come to the end of the line for any help from anyone there, and I thanked her and hung up.
See? That wasn’t too bad! I may not have gotten what I wanted, but I am being productive and taking my own advice. No more bullsh*t. I am getting things done (or at least trying) and standing up for myself. Which meant that yes, I filed a complaint against the dental office with the Better Business Bureau and am asking for a full refund. Because I literally have the receipts. BOOM.
And because of my new mantra, I am no longer the go between for my family. Instead of complaining to me or playing telephone between family members or friends, I now say, “I totally get it, but I think you should talk to so-and-so directly and explain it to them so they understand. You two need to TALK to each other and work it out on your own.” Which I’ve said several times to some of my family members who are having tiffs. I am done with being stuck in the middle. I am not neutral anymore, unless I decide to be. I want to keep the peace in my family life, but I also need to keep peace within myself too!
As a normally quiet person who internalizes everything, I know I'm going to need to find that balance between tenacity and niceness. I'm one of those people that usually keeps everything in until it reaches a boiling point and then the lid comes shooting off and everything I've been keeping inside comes out as a vitriolic spew over any poor soul who comes within 10 feet of me (meaning my family). But I know that this is the right path for me, and soon I will come to find that balance of assertiveness and kindness. It will just take a lot of practice but I’m ready to work on it!
Because like I said before, this is more than just not taking any more bullsh*t. It’s about not being taken advantage of, tricked, or walked over. I can’t wait for things to be magically fixed, I have to fix them myself and be productive. It’s about standing up for myself and being my own advocate- whether it’s for my health, my money, or just my own person. I am going to speak up for myself, be strong, and fix what was wrong and get what’s right. If other people can do it, than so can I! And if nothing else, I have to try to get what I need and what I want, because I deserve it! (Take that, low self-esteem!) And it’s not just a resolution: it’s a new way of life and a change of character. And a good one, at that.
So look out world! Emily in 2020 (and for the rest of the years to come) is ready to get sh*t done and figured out and she will not go down without a fight! (Seriously, I’m not letting go of this dental fiasco. I’m in it and ready!) A very polite fight, because I still believe everyone should be treated with kindness. Unless they really truly deserve, in which case then I will go in on them with my vitriolic spew! Other than that though, I’ll be that great mix of boss babe and Mother Theresa.
And that is my New Year’sresolution goal for 2020 AND my new life mantra! What do you think of my new mantra? Which mantra do you like best? No more bullsh*t, take no sh*t, or kill them with kindness but take no sh*t? I think I’m leaning towards the last one! Wish me luck on my new journey! Also, do you do New Year’s resolutions or goals? Let me know if you do or don’t!
Stay Weird!
I’m not saying that I’m going to be mean and to be the “let me talk to the manager” mom meme. (You know that one I’m talking about!) While I was also taught to be polite, I was also taught to be nice. I think kindness is so important in this world where everyone is busy and everyone forgets how much a nice interaction can just make a person’s day. So I always try to be nice no matter what. Just because I’m in an argument or in a misunderstanding, doesn’t mean I have to treat the other person badly or viciously, even if the other person is being rude. (I don’t know their life or what they’re going through) Kill them with kindness, but take no sh*t. (Is that my new mantra??)
I did end up talking to Voldemort corporate (I still can’t believe He Who Must Not Be Named went corporate. So disappointing!) and I did exactly what my new mantra entailed: I was polite, but I was assertive. I gave the lady my information and the story of what happened. She wasn’t too much help and couldn’t give me an answer or a solution, so I said, “You’ve been super nice and patient with me and I just want to thank you, but is there anyone else in your department or at Voldemort corporate who can help me?” She said that I had probably come to the end of the line for any help from anyone there, and I thanked her and hung up.
See? That wasn’t too bad! I may not have gotten what I wanted, but I am being productive and taking my own advice. No more bullsh*t. I am getting things done (or at least trying) and standing up for myself. Which meant that yes, I filed a complaint against the dental office with the Better Business Bureau and am asking for a full refund. Because I literally have the receipts. BOOM.
And because of my new mantra, I am no longer the go between for my family. Instead of complaining to me or playing telephone between family members or friends, I now say, “I totally get it, but I think you should talk to so-and-so directly and explain it to them so they understand. You two need to TALK to each other and work it out on your own.” Which I’ve said several times to some of my family members who are having tiffs. I am done with being stuck in the middle. I am not neutral anymore, unless I decide to be. I want to keep the peace in my family life, but I also need to keep peace within myself too!
As a normally quiet person who internalizes everything, I know I'm going to need to find that balance between tenacity and niceness. I'm one of those people that usually keeps everything in until it reaches a boiling point and then the lid comes shooting off and everything I've been keeping inside comes out as a vitriolic spew over any poor soul who comes within 10 feet of me (meaning my family). But I know that this is the right path for me, and soon I will come to find that balance of assertiveness and kindness. It will just take a lot of practice but I’m ready to work on it!
Because like I said before, this is more than just not taking any more bullsh*t. It’s about not being taken advantage of, tricked, or walked over. I can’t wait for things to be magically fixed, I have to fix them myself and be productive. It’s about standing up for myself and being my own advocate- whether it’s for my health, my money, or just my own person. I am going to speak up for myself, be strong, and fix what was wrong and get what’s right. If other people can do it, than so can I! And if nothing else, I have to try to get what I need and what I want, because I deserve it! (Take that, low self-esteem!) And it’s not just a resolution: it’s a new way of life and a change of character. And a good one, at that.
So look out world! Emily in 2020 (and for the rest of the years to come) is ready to get sh*t done and figured out and she will not go down without a fight! (Seriously, I’m not letting go of this dental fiasco. I’m in it and ready!) A very polite fight, because I still believe everyone should be treated with kindness. Unless they really truly deserve, in which case then I will go in on them with my vitriolic spew! Other than that though, I’ll be that great mix of boss babe and Mother Theresa.
And that is my New Year’s
Stay Weird!
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